Famous Pirate Quotes Lines Sayings Phrases
No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives
the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum
from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be
burned. No exceptions.
No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain.
If circumstances demand a career change, a move into
real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral
move and said individual may keep their pirate status.
A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn't really be "snuggling".
A pirate may never wear another man's clothing, unless he first kills that man.
Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is
perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile
Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they
are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a
monacle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monacle are
Hooks are the only acceptable hand substitute. However,
they may not have secondary attachments such as screwdrivers, bottle
openers, corkscrews, or nail files. These are Pirates we're talking
about, not Inspector Gadget.
A pirate's diet consists mainly of meat. If at sea, and meat is not available, shoe leather is an acceptable replacement.
Pirate Law: You can't spell pirate, without "irate". There's a reason for that, so don't even try.
No pirate will ever, ever raise his pinky when drinking any sort of beverage.
Pirate Law: When choosing clothing, even if it looks dirty, or smells dirty, it is clean.
When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is
required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under
any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold.
A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying.
No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails.
A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender.
During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are
required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of
the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared